


mutual

by weddingbells



Category: One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Biggest weekend, Drabble, M/M, Misunderstandings, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 14:45:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weddingbells/pseuds/weddingbells
Summary: “I didn’t know if you were going to be that into playing it up like that considering, you know, things...” Niall arches an eyebrow as he looks at Shawn, as if he is supposed to understand what these things are. Shawn doesn’t, He suddenly feels like he doesn’t understand a thing that is going on at all, it feels like the earth is a rug that was pulled out from underneath him and it hurts. “But you were totally into it. The hand on my thigh and the flirty DM’s? God they are going to eat that up! Well played, Mendes, well played.”





	mutual

**Author's Note:**

> Because Biggest Weekend happened and I feel things, as should you all x

The interview feels like it’s over before it’s even started, and Shawn can’t stop looking at Niall. It’s weird, in a way, of easy it is for the other man to just make him feel so comfortable. Shawn wonders if he should say it again to Niall, when they are alone, and not in front of cameras, how he really means all of that he said and also, that the way Niall put his hand on his when Shawn had it on his thigh might have gotten his heart to beat just a little bit faster. A little bit. Just slightly. And maybe, just maybe, he should tell Niall that this isn’t a new thing. That maybe he has been feeling like this for a while.

Shawn waits as Niall sticks behind a little to talk to some of the crew and Greg and Nick, he knows them better than Shawn does and of course, Shawn has met them too and been interviewed multiple times but he isn’t at the friendlevel with them yet, not the way Niall is with seemingly everyone. It makes Shawn a little bit jealous just how effortlessly Niall is sweet and lovely with everyone, how he makes them feel like his best friend and maybe more, and for a moment the slight hint of jealousy isn’t only about Niall being able to do what Shawn can’t, but also because Shawn really doesn’t like to see Niall be the way he is with Shawn with anyone else. He shakes his head quickly, forcing the feeling away, he can’t think like that. Him and Niall are friends, and that his heart beats a little bit faster every time he sees him, and that he was very aware how Niall leaned into him and looked at him during this interview doesn’t change anything with how they are friends.

Or does it? Shawn thinks, because Shawn didn’t really think that this was just one-sided. Niall seemed really into it, and more than once Shawn saw him bite his lips as he looked at Shawn and he remembers Niall saying that was a flirty move, and he didn’t mind Shawn saying how their DMs had been flirty. Plus, the way Niall had said...

Okay no, he is spiraling, he is doing things too much and Shawn clears his throat, even if Niall is still talking to somebody else, just waiting for him. It takes rather long, and Shawn starts to feel like a bit of an idiot standing here waiting. He fishes his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through twitter for a while before he hears footsteps and Niall walks up to him.

“Hey, you still waitin’ for me?” Niall asks, the grin wide and the accent delicious, and Shawn lets out a little laughter because well wasn’t he supposed to wait for Niall? Now the whole thing got very awkward.

“Uh... maybe?” he ends up saying and wow, Shawn, that’s the way to really seem cool. Brilliant. Niall doesn’t say anything, he wraps his arms around Shawn’s shoulder and laughs again.

“We did good back there, didn’t we? Gonna break the internet with that video.”

Shawn laughs.

“You think so? Because I...”

“Of course we will!” Niall interrupts. “You know how many people got interested in both of us after that picture from the AMA’s? And the selfies? This is gold baby!” Niall says as he rubs Shawn’s chest eagerly but Shawn suddenly feels a bit cold, like he stepped into a freezer room and can’t get out.

“Uh...”

“I didn’t know if you were going to be that into playing it up like that considering, you know, things...” Niall arches an eyebrow as he looks at Shawn, as if he is supposed to understand what these things are. Shawn doesn’t, He suddenly feels like he doesn’t understand a thing that is going on at all, it feels like the earth is a rug that was pulled out from underneath him and it hurts. “But you were totally into it. The hand on my thigh and the flirty DM’s? God they are going to eat that up! Well played, Mendes, well played.”

“Well played,” Shawn echoes, and he wonders if he is going to be sick. He might very well just be. “Well played,” he says again and lets out a laugh that is a bit too loud, and very much too fake. 

Niall stares at him for a bit, and for a moment Shawn wonders if he is going to comment on it but he doesn’t. Instead Niall pats his chest.

“You wanna go get some drinks? This is the best thing about performing early, you can drink all night and hey, you’re legal here!”

Shawn knows he should probably say no, but then again why should he? He wasn’t expecting anything from Niall other than this, he couldn’t be. They are friends, and clearly Shawn should accept that.

“Yes, of course,” he says, and wonders if his heart breaking can be heard over the words.

 

**

 

“More drinks!” Niall shouts across the bar and everyone cheers, Shawn lifts his glass too and forces a smile, but it doesn’t seem genuine and he can tell that Niall is starting to notice. When Shawn sees him making his way over to him, Shawn quickly turns around, and before anyone can stop him he tries to make it through the crowd to get the the door so he can get away. He doesn’t want to talk to Niall about this, he really doesn’t. 

There’s no use though because apparently, being in a boyband really taught Niall how to get through crowds and Shawn only has time to step out in the cold, night air before Niall has caught up with him.

“Hey, hey, Shawn!” Niall calls out and Shawn can’t pretend he doesn’t hear him because there’s really no one there except for the two of them and some couple too engrossed in making out to take any notice of them. Shawn sighs and turns around, forcing another smile.

“I’m gonna head home, tired. Early flight, you know, all that,” he says, and Niall arches an eyebrow skeptical to the whole thing.

“Okay… you wanna tell me what’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird ever since that interview. Did we take it too far? Because you know it’s just… playing around and all that, if you didn’t feel comfortable with it you could have told me.”

“Playing around!” Shawn says, a bit too loud and takes a step back from Niall. “Maybe that’s the problem!”

“Playing around is the problem?” Niall asks. “Well, I told you, if it’s…”

“It’s not!” Shawn says, and he tries to control his voice so it won’t turn into a scream because he really doesn’t need that right now. “Maybe it’s not because… for me it wasn’t playing around. I wasn’t acting or, using it or, doing it for the views or whatever!” he shakes his head and turns around. “Ridiculous, absolutely stupid, I’m going home.”

He has taken three steps when Niall grabs his arm, tugging him to a halt.

“Okay, you’re not leaving until you have told me what the fuck is going on Shawn, we’re friends, you can talk to me but I’m really confused now!”

“How is it confusing?” Shawn lifts his arms up, as if he is giving up, giving up on this whole thing and maybe he is. “What don’t you get? I’m a singer, Niall, not an actor. When I’m with you or say things about you and what I like about you… that’s because I feel those things. That’s because I mean them. I’m not playing things, not doing things for the camera. I’m doing them because I like you and for a moment there I thought maybe you…” he stops because his voice breaks and he doesn’t want to continue but he needs to, even if his voice is choked when he continues. “I thought that maybe you might feel something else too, but I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong.”

He meets Niall’s eyes for the first time, and they are bright blue and confused and Shawn shakes his head. He shouldn’t do this. He can’t do this. 

“Forget it, I’m going home.”

“Shawn…” Niall whispers suddenly and it seems like he wants to grab his arm again but he doesn’t. “I… god, Shawn, I had no idea that you felt…”

“It doesn’t matter it’s fine, we’re friends and I shouldn’t have been messing that up when you’re not…” Shawn says but he can’t finish before Niall puts a finger on his lips.

“You have to be quiet now, okay? I love you listen to your voice but I need you to be quiet for just a few moments, okay?” Niall said and Shawn shuts up, he shuts up so quickly that he doesn’t know if he can ever talk again when Niall is this close to him. 

“Mhm…” is all that leaves his lips, and Niall bites his lip nervously before he continues.

“I was going to say… that I had no idea that you felt the same.”

Shawn’s eyes widen. Out of all things he thought he would hear, that was not it. He wants to respond, but Niall keeps his finger on his lips so Shawn stays quiet.

“I just… I don’t really have good experience with seeing friends go from friends to… you know, more than friends,” Niall speaks quickly, and Shawn can feel how he must be nervous too, as if he can feel his pulse through his fingertip even. “And I didn’t even know… I mean I had my suspicions but I wasn’t sure if you were into, you know, guys, or even me, so I figured if I made a game out of it all it… it would be much easier to deal with than a chance of rejection, you know? And now I see that was stupid because you ended up feeling rejected…”

Shawn nodded.

“Idiot,” he murmurs and Niall pinches his side, still keeping his finger on his lips.

“I didn’t mean that I ever used you for anything and I love all the things we do, I love how fun you are, how kind and sweet and great of a friend you are, how much you care and you just… make me feel very much at home…” Niall continued rambling. “But like I said I just worried because what if I say I like you and you don’t like me back, or you do like me back and we try this and it doesn’t work, like, what if…”

“Niall,” Shawn mutters, ignoring the finger now. “You are overthinking this worse than I am.”

“But what if…” Niall tries again and Shawn shakes his head, and gently removes Niall’s finger from his lips so he can talk properly.

“And what if we have a great time? I mean yes, we might break up… eh, not saying we are going to like start a relationship because of this conversation but you know, you can’t go around being scared of disappointing what if’s, Niall. You’re gonna miss out on the good ones. You know?”

Niall looks skeptical and Shawn takes a step closer.

“You say, what if it doesn’t work out, but also like… what if it  **_does_ ** work out? What if we have a great time, go on great dates and do… lovely things that we can remember for life?” Shawn blushes just lightly as he continues. “I mean… I’m no expert on relationships or love or those kind of things but I figure, having you for even a little bit of time would be better than spending my life thinking about what could have been, right?”

Niall is quiet for a moment, before the corner of his lips perk up.

“That was very, very, extremely cheesy, Mendes.”

Shawn lightly punches his arm.

“Shut up, you put me on the spot here, I had to come up with something in like, no time at all.”

“You’re a songwriter, you have to do better than that, plus, the whole sentiment? Sounds a bit like  _ Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart _ ” Niall teases him and Shawn punches his arm again. 

“You know you’re making me regret I kind of said anything, I should have just gone home.”

Niall grins. His hand move to Shawn’s and before Shawn knows it Niall has laced their fingers together. It’s so easy. Effortlessly easy. Like with everything else about Niall.

“Do you really?” Niall asks, and his voice drops low and Shawn feels weak in the knees. 

“Uh…”

Niall moves in closer, their noses touching. His eyes fall half shut as his lips ghost over Shawn’s. 

“I didn’t think so,” Niall murmurs and when he closes the distance between their lips, Shawn can’t help but look at him just to understand that this is real, this is happening, Niall is kissing him with his actual lips, they are kissing and Shawn can’t believe it, he can’t believe it’s happening.

He closes his eyes when he needs to pull away just slightly to get some air, and then Niall moves his hands up to his neck to pull him back in, the kiss slightly deepening. Shawn wonders if this is what heaven feels like because it wouldn’t surprise him. Not one bit. 

“Shawn Mendes… do you want to go on a date with me?” Niall whispers as their kiss slowly fades into just noses bumping against each other. Shawn pretends to think about it.

“Movie at your place?” he asks and Niall nods.

“If you’re okay with a bit of touching under the blanket.” he winks, and Shawn lets out a chuckle and pulls him closer again.

“I think I’ll live,” he murmurs before kissing him again.

It is better than he ever could have imagined.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hiatusniall @ tumblr, come say hi.


End file.
